What sickness can do

The beginning of the year was quite the challenge from the very start. It has taken me so long just to reflect and write about it. I have finally broken down the lessons that I picked up from the experience.

Over Christmas, I was sick with Flu B for 7 days, in which I thought that was a lot. Then soon after New Years, I was sick again, with Flu A for 15 days! The second string was so bad, I went to the hospital lethargic, seeing double vision, in severe pain, etc. During the second event of sickness, I had faced some additional challenges that threw out my teachings of life coaching and had me question myself, others & my own expertise.

During this time, I had lost a significant amount of weight, which threw me into a self-identity crisis. Because I was severely sick, I was isolated and in bed consistently for 13 days straight, which slunk me into a horrible depression, and gave me major anxiety about my health.

So, I wanted to share my experience & my after thoughts in hopes that it helps someone else.

Self-Identity:

As stated before, I lost approximately 15lbs, and I didn't recognize myself. For some, they may question my judgement on why I would worry about losing weight. It's not just the weight itself. I'm not exactly "skinny" per se, but I'm on target for what weight I'm supposed to be for my height and age. So, losing too much all at once without controlling how rapidly was not only not healthy but sent me into a mix of emotions about my wellbeing & appearance. Yes, I presumed that I would probably gain most of it back, but at the same time, I was worried that there was something more to my sickness.

Of course, my intuition was correct as I later tested positive for an auto-immune disorder; most likely "Lupus" and/or its sister disorder - "Sjogren's disease". Either way, in the moment, I was struggling because I wasn't eating. Since the start of the Flu A, it was 4 days later before I could actually eat anything at all. Prior to that a cracker felt like torture to stomach - pun intended. It felt like there was no end to this sickness. I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating, Tylenol and ibuprofen weren't taking away the pain and I was losing more and more weight each day. I could see my eyes sinking and my skin loosening. It just felt out of control.

So, I decided to talk to my boyfriend about it. Unfortunately, we didn't see eye to eye on the situation. Later, post-flu, I came to the conclusion that it was how I presented the issue.

The way I talked about it - I just generalized my experience.

"I don't recognize myself. I lost so much weight".

My boyfriend just jumped to wanting to fix it, "It's not bad, you still look like you and your beautiful as always". Now that everything has passed, I was able to observe that there was nothing wrong with his response. However, in the moment, I couldn't handle his approach. I needed the truth, validation to how "I" was feeling, and to vent - not someone to fix it. The truth was I lost weight; I didn't want someone to gaslight me into thinking that I didn't. I didn't recognize myself, and I wanted someone to honor those feelings instead. I just wanted the validation.

Looking back, I realized the miscommunication wasn't him, it was me. I reflected on my language. The lesson is to be straight forward to what you need, not just needing soup, but what you need in terms of expressing your experience. I needed to be blunt in what I needed. The moment he started to jump into fixing, I should have redirected him to what I emotionally needed by stating, "I don't need you to fix this for me. I'm not saying, I'm not myself. I just need to vent with someone that I love about how "I" am feeling right now. I know it'll get better, but I just need someone to hear how I am experiencing this".

Things can change where you may not recognize yourself in the moment, BUT your perspective could change. TIME, support, straight forward expressing and perspective is what will help you get through it!

Trust your intuition!

I kept trying to explain to others that I believed these flus were just symptoms to something else; something greater than viruses. I noticed other symptoms over the past few months, such as my voice changing/getting hoarse, constantly getting sick, gritty feelings in my eyes, swollen glands, etc.

It was when I developed swelling, losing color, & coldness in my finger tips that I decided to take my issues to the doctor. Don't be afraid to tell your doctor everything that's been going on!

If your doctor cuts you off, makes you feel overdramatic, or doesn't listen - go to a different one!

You need a compassionate doctor. This doctor sent me to get multiple tests, but as inconvenient as it was, I was grateful, because he didn't want to miss a single thing!

And to clarify, my fingertips issue was "Raynaud's Phenomenon", a symptom that can be accompanied with "Lupus/Sjorgren's".

Depression from isolation:

With the time I had spent isolated in bed and suffering in pain, I was also suffering from depression. I didn't realize it at first, until towards the end of my sickness. I began becoming argumentative and sensitive with others. After the flu symptoms passed, it was more apparent as I remained in a rut for weeks.

So, how did I recover from it?

1.) I was honest with those around me that I was struggling. Watch your language - make sure you're being true to how you are experiencing things and what you need in the moment

2.) Depression depletes doing, so start doing! Do things that you're passionate about. Throw yourself into the things that you can control & start creating things with intention, passion, meaning & purpose. I focused on creating in business again. I started creating projects. What made it easier was creating a game plan - with small, easily tangible steps, and then taking action each day towards my goals.

3.) Grace... Giving others grace, and giving myself grace. I felt like a different person while sick, but I was still me. I just needed to remind myself of her again. So, I started stepping back into my authentic self. Going back to the gym & focusing on things that I knew would light up my soul. All while giving grace to others that my struggles would unintentionally reflect off of others. Everyone around me loves me. They lead with their hearts, but they WILL make mistakes. The same as myself, I had to remind myself that they will fail me as I fail myself at times.

4.) Trade your expectations for appreciation. The reason why we get so frustrated with others is because we raise our expectations so high, especially when we focus too much on how others fail us. Each time someone makes a mistake; we add onto the pile of their short comings. Trade those expectations for why you love them, why you cared for them at all, and what you deeply appreciate about them. Do you respect them? Do you love them? Remember that grace?

It will push you closer to raising the appreciation for them again. Then their mistakes or shortcomings just seem natural and harmless compared to how drastic we make it about in our little world.

5.) Time - I needed time to recover. I can't expect that everything springs back overnight.

If you're in a severe car accident, should I expect you to go run a marathon after that? No!

So, why do we rush ourselves to recover and to shift back instantaneously?

Yes, I don't want you to stay stuck in a rut and create a pattern of doom, but as you take action each day back to yourself, know that is sufficient enough, and you WILL return to yourself!

Chronic illness:

Choose you and your health, do not apologize for the time needing to take off from work, or even to come in late or leave early to take care of it. The doctor and I had discovered several issues. I had so many different appointments for an auto-immune disorder, tooth infections, numbness & coldness in my finger tips, full body stiffness, swollen glands, back issues, hoarse voice, etc. and I couldn't feel bad for losing time at work, because if I don't take care of it, then I would continue to get sick and maybe lose way more than 15 days and without a resolution of managing.

So, self-advocate for your health! You are important! More important than a job.

You can get another job, you can't get another YOU!

I would like to share my experience from a previous diagnosis that may help.

If you've been diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder, learn balance and to become very aware of your body. If your body grows sore or tired, there will be signs, so don't ignore it. As I have had Fibromyalgia (Neurological disorder - not immune), I learned that it was helpful to balance between sitting and standing. Can't sit too long and can't stand for too long. That balance helped me a lot over the years.

In 2016, I developed Fibromyalgia after an ankle injury. It took almost a year to get the final diagnosis. At first, they put me on the only drugs that they had available, which weren't many due to Fibromyalgia being a fairly new phenomenon at the time. Unfortunately, those drugs made my symptoms worse, and I felt trapped. Trapped in my own body that I felt hated me. Then, I felt betrayed by the doctors because that they couldn't find meds that could actually help me. Instead, they threw their hands up, when I refused to take something that made me feel worse. I'll never forget the look on that nurse's assistant's face when she said, "Good luck".

She basically looked at me as if I was being ridiculous for not continuing with the meds.

So, my solution was natural vitamins and supplements - just research it! When I was semi-paralyzed to my bed 9 years ago, I had nothing better to do than to research a better way. I couldn't use my legs well, but I was still able to use my hands, so I would use my nights to research... research heavily!

I would find every medical article that I could about what Fibromyalgia was. There were many conflicting theories, especially since it was still being studied itself. My conclusion was that it can be caused by trauma, typically physical trauma, but not limited to severe emotional trauma. With Fibromyalgia, when your central nervous system is thrown off, it sends mis-signaling amplified pain throughout the body. Which adds up to what happened to me. Because I broke my ankle and was not able to move much or go to work for about 3-4 months straight, that was out of character for me. Especially since I was a very rambunctious and energetic bartender at the time. I guess my central nervous system picked up on how out of character it was too.

So, then I moved forward with searching for different regimens that helped with immunity & the central nervous system. Immunity would help strengthen the central nervous system.

So, I drank aloe juice 3 times a day, took inositol & choline, Magnesium, B6, D3, etc. I made sure that I did some kind of movement each day; walk, stretches, etc. and I worked on balance! Balance was key to developing the strength to last all day without crashing at night.

After 3 months, I had finally began experiencing the results. I would eventually have more good days than bad. Currently, I still deal with mild stiffness and achiness daily. Once in a while, I'll have one of my "episodes", but it's no where near the severity as before. Having this kind of knowledge and experience is what has helped me remain strong through my most recent diagnosis. However, I remember how scary, frustrating & horrible my initial experience was 9 years ago. I was a single mom & at night, I couldn't even cook dinner for my son and I. My 8 year would have to make himself and his mommy a peanut butter & jelly sandwich, because mommy couldn't move. Work would take all of the energy or strength I had, and by the time that night came around, my legs would just give up and become severely heavy and in pain. My strength would have to be preserved for just going to the bathroom. My son had to come to my bed to spend time with me. It broke my heart. It still breaks my heart to reflect on it.

The worst part.... I had no emotional support. My father thought I was being lazy, or claimed that it was depression. But I knew the truth... and I found my way out of it also. If it was laziness, I would still be in that bed struggling and suffering. My current state is my testimony!

Will power, faith, inner strength, self-advocacy & "wanting to live your best life" are the things that will help you through learning about a diagnosis! Just because someone slaps a label on it, doesn't mean you have to succumb to those symptoms. Play the game, learn about it & find a way through it! Lean on helpful emotional support as well! Even if you have to start your own Facebook support group to find it! DO IT!!

Hope this helps!

Jenn Everson

Transformation Coach & NLP Practitioner

Owner, Forever Soon Fulfilled

www.foreversoonfulfilled.com

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